my mental health journey is taking a little bit longer than I expected. but it’s so typical of me to put a deadline on “getting better.” the truth is, I’m never gonna get better. the depression, the bipolarity, the maybe PTSD: I’m stuck with it forever. it’s just my choice whether I want to let it dictate my life or learn how to coexist with it.
I’ve sadly let it dictate my life and in the end, the only person I’m fooling is me. I have become this incredible pretender. someone who smiles on the outside but is plagued with racing, anxious crazy thoughts on the inside. cognitive behavioral therapy has helped in rewiring the unwanted thoughts to be just that (thoughts) but I also made two discoveries. 1. it is not my fault I have unwanted thoughts. 2. they are a culmination of my past and my mood disorder.
so going forward, I have to learn how to coexist with my very own storm cloud. when it comes back again, instead of running for cover, I must learn how to dance in the rain. and from that, I will create.