here I am.

it’s one in the morning and I cannot sleep. I’ve been busy with working at the restaurant – my tips are looking up and I’m starting to recognize the familiar faces that come through the door. however, it’s so mentally taxing to be so energetic and polite on a daily basis. I really want another job, preferably using my degree.

it’s time to grow up⏳

in other news, I have been pitching and researching and writing for publications. someone commented about how it doesn’t matter often I write, as long as I’m writing (which is true, thank you) but my goal is to freelance write for print publications and make a career out of it, so I must always have a project in front of me. what I have written personally will manifest to eventually poetry and probably fiction stories (my true loves).

a lot of my personal writing has stemmed from, you guessed it, my mood disorder. you’ve probably seen mention of my depression popping up here and there. researching it has been very time consuming, but I like it and I love learning more about myself, manic & low. in Bipolar, Not So Much, depression and bipolar disorder are actually placed on opposite poles of a mood spectrum. while there are individuals who have just depression or just bipolar, it’s not the case for everyone else and are often incorrectly diagnosed. for example, when I was 12, a psychologist diagnosed me with severe depression but when I was 18, a psychiatrist said I was bipolar. I actually fall in between the two, and knowing that earlier might have helped me deal with relationships with others overall. I’ve learned a lot about myself through this pretty lonely journey, but my main focus now, too, is how to take care of myself.

methods that help:

  • writing & blogging
  • yoga (the breathing is helping my anxiety and stretching is getting rid of built-up stress);
  • not eating meat or dairy or sugar (they seriously make me feel like shit the day after) and eating vegetables and fruit instead;
  • talking about my feelings with my family, friends, and husband;
  • and eating and traveling around Colorado.

I have also been shopping for crystals lately because of their mysterious healing powers. I bought a crystal quartz, obsidian, and amethyst with all different characteristics, and I am in love and cannot wait to get more.

all for now. please send any and all good vibes this way as I sort my life out. πŸ–€